Yesterday I Lost You

Yesterday I Lost You


Yesterday I lost you into emptiness
With its old forgotten song
For nothing in my heart so painful
That stays with me that long

Your portrait sculptured in my mind
Sadly from passing I cannot save
Those emotions that once worshipped it
Were now just angels on the grave

Yesterday I lost you into the waves
But of dreams I painted with my hand
Dreams we built in the clouds
Were fading footprints in the sand

But in fading you will be emblemed
Upon these words; once an alluring grace
If in moving on with fate should weave us near
Will I remember your pretty face

-pollenpen

Silence must be an Angel

Silence must be an Angel

Silence must be an Angel sleeping
For the world to sit in a placid rest
And the waves to mantle into silk;
The wind hides its voices into whispers,
The birds sing with lullabies
Along with the tip-toeing forest trees,
Along with the sleeping house on a hill;
Delicate with the caress of the resting Time.

Silence must be an Angel in tears
For the night to soothe with nothingness
And Loneliness to embrace only with shadows;
Pain lingers close as a friend,
The rain bursts with Sadness too
Along with the melancholic whispers in the air,
Along with the thoughts resting in the pillow;
Lulled with the caress of a dreamless sleep.

- pollenpen

I want to choose so as not to choose

Goal, purpose, objectives. They all share the same meaning but appears in different forms. Life is composed of goals. Without goals there is no life. Every aspect of life has its goals, has its purpose. Even a day has different goals, minor or major goals. A goal is composed of several minor goals or steps to achieve. Take for instance, your goal of going into the office. First your goal is to get dressed, a goal to be ready, to get on the prefered train, to walk, to reach the specific elevator, and finally to reach your desk on time. Just imagine, if the goal of getting to the office has been removed, such as on vacation day, of course you set a new one. But there are times when you are too excited to get into your goal and suddenly it was snapped right before your eyes away just when you thought you would have it. You have a choice. To set a new one or stay stagnant. As you stay stagnant, you will be filled with self-pity and disappointments. And little by little it will consume you that it would affect your performance on achieving other goals other tasks has set for you. Gradually your efforts will be drained by these emotions instead of being useful on other tasks. But if you would set a new one, you will be as jolly and active as you are. As inpired as you are supposed to be. However, it is not a question of whether you choose to stay stagnant or not. The moment your goal is snatched right in front of you means pain. So the question is, "Is it easy to make a choice?".

In your home the TV watch?

I am having trouble in dealing with these things. Yes. These things. No matter how i tried to get along with on how they form their statements, how much confidence I have on my technical skills, how much memory i tried to reserve with all those wierd characters, it is not just enough. Everytime a new specification is discussed, I would just sit meekly as if I am a very tiny incapable moroon who does not even know what a class diagram is. Even Atlas or Yahoo Honyaku has wierd translations on their statement. When will I get used to these things like keep left in walking, vehicles would come from the right lane in crossing, books read from the back, sentences scrambled, kanji with various pronounciations, and did i mention letter "L" is a stranger here. I am not quitting, I am just tired knowing that the language barrier hinders me incapable of understanding those specifications. It's a shame. Probably six months is not enough or I am just a slow-learner on things I considered wierd. Or I need to start turning my sentences upside down. Maybe I need Master Yodah on this. In Tokyo with these confusing things learned is a little rest need. (Geezzz)

The Power Of Positive Thinking

Thinking POSITIVE Thoughts

1. I can feel positive energy flow through me with every positive thought I choose.
2. Today I know I have the right to be alive, happy and full of joy.
3. Today, I trust that I am where I am suppose to be and am moving in the right direction.
4. Today I dare to openly express my needs and find healthy ways to get them met.
5. I like feeling good today.
6. I like myself today.
7. I no longer need to struggle to find my answers alone.
8. I welcome and am open to positive and healthy support wherever I find it.
9. I forgive all others and myself today.
10. I am good enough just the way I am.
11. I am at choice today.
12. I can watch my negative thoughts go by and replacethem with positive thoughts of love and compassion.
13. I am not a victim of people, places and things.
14. Negative thoughts are no longer something I choose to live with.
15. I am turning around all my negative thinking so that my mind is positive.
16. I am open to positive changes in my life today.
17. Today I am hanging in no matter what.
    Even when my conscious mind wants to give up.
18. I will reach for that healthy, loving part deep within me and withthe help of prayer and meditation and the good people in my life, I will find a rainbow.
19. Today I am breaking out of old patterns and rewriting old tapes.
20. I am capable of letting go of all the negativity that is standing in the wayof my feeling good about myself.

Depressed

Being away from home, friends, family, and your usual environment would really turn a meek turtle or a humorous rabbit into a crying parrot. I assure you, I saw one.

Me and several other colleagues were sent here in Tokyo for a two year assignment. At first, everyone was so delighted. You'll never see faces without those smiles of excitement. Gradually then came the whines and sores. "The apartment is so far from office.", "It took 30mins of walking and 30mins of train travel from home to office.", "I feel tired everyday.", "The office is so boring.", "I miss my friends.", "I miss home.", "I just cant easily take a leave even if I had a headace.", "I hate those japs on the train.", "I hate the foods.", "..", ".", "", ... and so on until some of them behaved so wierd that they they wont speak with anyone, stay on their rooms the whole day, buy a lot of things, eat a lot, and a little grumpy.

I too had my fair share. I had trouble sleeping. No matter how i tried, Im still up until 1am or 2am, then suddenly be awaken by 5am or 6am, then try to sleep again just to be shocked by the alarm at 8am. I developed a constant headache and heavy feeling no matter how i tried to rest, sleep or lie down. Then i had an unusual hairfall, pimples, and a red and weary eyes. Just lately, I had read in the internet that what I had are symptoms of depression. I cant believe it. I thought I am strong enough to keep myself from being depressed. Then I realized that never in my life did I have been this far from home. I mean this long. Its been almost seven months now and the situation seems to get worse. That is why I need to do something about this. I just had a routine of exercises, hot bath, diet, and raw music. I had these for almost two weeks now and Im glad there are little improvements. I transfered my sleeping area, to the loft instead of in the living room just to set myself that the loft is a place for sleeping and rest. So that everytime I would lie down in the loft, subconciously my mind will know that it is time for bed.

Whew, its tough. Never been into this before. Its worse than the problems and insecurities I had experienced before. I hope I could get through these. I hope no suicidal instincts would get into my nerves (hehehe kidding).

Natsu Yasumi (Summer Vacation)

Our group scheduled our natsu yasumi from Aug 11-20. Wasn't it exciting? If her trip was not cancelled, it could have been very much exciting. Anyway, Ryze and Jay would visit us for a mahjong marathon, hehe, I just learned how to play with mahjong, honestly I love the jokes thrown during our play than playing mahjong. But our boss had planned to give us a tour to Mt. Fuji. Yes!!! I am really very excited. My boss, Mr. Yoshizu, is a good, friendly, and cool guy (Not because of the Fuji-san thing of course). Just right before I came here in Japan, when our group first met him on a project meeting, all of us had thought that wat. He is not the usual Japanese guy who would just sit there and so quiet. You can talk to him about anything under the sun. I feel lucky to have him as my boss. Anyway, the tour on Aug 11 is something I could look forward to. Then, the Superman Returns movie with friends on Aug 12. Then, the Ginza birthday party for Ken the following day. And to be followed by a week of rest days. But I still have to attend on my Nihonggo class on Monday and Friday. Come what may, I will be enjoying the coming natsu yasumi.