Dear Parents

 Dear Parents, Let it be a Gift, not a Repayment

I’ve seen it in so many families—including my own:
That quiet, deep hope that “Once our child graduates from college, our life will finally get better.”

And honestly? I get it. That kind of hope is real and valid—especially when you’ve worked so hard and sacrificed so much. Long hours at work. Sleepless nights. Saying no to things you wanted, just to say yes to your child’s future.

But here’s something I’ve learned along the way:
Hope is beautiful, but pressure is heavy.

When we expect our kids to repay us by becoming the solution to all our problems… it becomes a silent kind of burden. And that’s not what love should feel like.

Because life doesn’t always play out the way we imagined.

Some children get married early.
Some find jobs that barely support themselves.
Some end up with partners who aren’t supportive of helping extended family.
And heartbreakingly, some are taken from us far too soon.

It hurts, I know. Because we give everything to our kids. But maybe we need to remind ourselves: sending them to school isn’t a business move—it’s an act of love.

Our children aren’t our investment plans. They’re not our saviors.
They’re people, with their own dreams, paths, and struggles too.

Now don’t get me wrong—I’ve seen so many kids give back, even when they didn’t have much. And that kind of love? It’s beautiful. But it should come from gratitude, not guilt.

Let’s raise children who can dream big, not children who carry the full weight of our dreams.

Give them the freedom to grow. To thrive. To rise—not for us, but for themselves. And if they choose to lift us along the way? Let it be a gift, not a repayment.

The Bible puts it so simply and beautifully:

“Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.”
— Psalm 127:3 (NIV)

They are blessings. Not tools. Not tickets out of poverty.

So to parents:
Let’s love them without conditions.
Let’s support them without strings.
Let’s plant seeds of love—not pressure—and trust that one day, they’ll bloom in their own time.

God bless us all.

Lending Turns to Ghosting

 

Lending Turns to Ghosting - A Gentle Reminder for the Heart and Wallet

We’ve all had that moment—someone close asks to borrow money. They say it’s “just for now,” and because you trust them, you say yes. Then suddenly… radio silence.

No follow-up. No updates. Not even a “Sorry, still working on it.” Just ghosted.

And it’s not just the money that hurts—it’s the feeling of being taken for granted.

But here’s the thing: holding onto that frustration won’t bring the money back. It just drains your peace. Sometimes, you have to accept it, let it go, and move forward. Forgiving doesn’t mean you’re okay with it—it means you’re choosing peace over resentment. After all, you were an instrument of blessing on someone’s tough day… haha, di ba?

Sa mga nang-utang: Communication is everything. Kahit wala pa pambayad, magparamdam. A simple message shows respect. Huwag puro seenzone—your dignity is worth more than the money you ghosted on.

Sa mga nagpautang: Lend only what you’re willing to let go. Set boundaries. Guard your heart and your wallet. And no matter what—choose to forgive.

Money comes and goes. But trust? That’s harder to earn back. Be kind, but don’t be careless.

Learn. Forgive. Grow.

Hey Maam, Sir

 Hey Maam, Sir, You're Not in Class Anymore 😅

Ever run into a teacher outside of school who still acts like... well, a teacher? They’ll correct your grammar while you’re ordering coffee, give you life advice you didn’t ask for, or give you the look like you're about to be sent to detention—for being five minutes late.

It’s kind of funny... until it’s not.

Teachers are amazing. They shape minds, guide futures, and deal with chaos daily. But once you're out in the real world—newsflash!—we’re all on the same level. Nobody’s a student, nobody’s handing in homework, and no one wants a surprise lecture on why their outfit is “inappropriate for learning.”

So here’s a gentle reminder to our beloved educators: take off the classroom hat once you clock out. Outside of school, people want conversations, not corrections. Respect goes both ways.

Offer your insights when invited. Share stories, not scoldings. And hey, it’s okay to just be you—not “Sir,” “Ma’am,” or “Prof.”

Because outside those classroom walls, we’re all just humans trying to enjoy our coffee without a pop quiz. 😉

Burn outs

What I Learned From Watching Someone Burn Out

Let me tell you a little story about a former officemate of mine—let’s call him Mark. He was that guy in the office who always seemed to have everything under control. First one in, last one out. Always willing to help. Never said no. Super dependable, the kind of employee every company wants.

At first, we all thought, “Wow, this guy’s on fire!” But looking back now, it was more like he was burning out.

Mark worked late almost every night. While the rest of us were logging off, grabbing dinner, or watching Netflix, he was still there—glued to his desk. He skipped breaks, ignored weekends, and even brought his laptop on vacation. He’d say things like, “Just need to finish a few things” or “I’ll rest after this project.” But the “few things” never ended, and the projects just kept coming.

After a while, he started to change. He looked tired all the time. Snappy. Quiet. Not his usual self. Then one random Friday, he submitted his resignation. No drama. No complaints. Just… done.

I was shocked. But honestly? I wasn’t surprised.

That was the moment it really hit me: burnout doesn’t always come with warning signs. Sometimes, it builds up slowly, until one day, you just can’t take it anymore.

Mark’s story stuck with me. It made me realize how easy it is to fall into that trap of thinking we always have to say yes, always go the extra mile, always be “on.” But here’s the thing—we’re not machines. We’re people. And people need rest.

If there’s one thing I learned from Mark’s experience, it’s this: you have to manage your time before your time manages you. It’s not about being lazy or slacking off—it’s about being smart. Setting boundaries. Listening to your body. Knowing when to pause.

You don’t need to work yourself sick just to prove your worth. Because let’s face it—if you suddenly left tomorrow, the company would find someone else. That’s the harsh reality. We’re all replaceable at work, but we’re not replaceable in our lives.

So now, I take my breaks seriously. I turn off my work notifications after hours. I protect my weekends. I’ve learned that saying “no” doesn’t make you difficult—it makes you healthy.

To anyone reading this who feels like they’re heading down the same path as Mark—please, check in with yourself. Take that day off. Set those boundaries. Don’t wait for burnout to make the decision for you.

Because your mental health isn’t just important—it’s everything. Take care guys!

Why War in the Middle East Hits Closer to Home Than We Think . . .

 

...

How It Affects Prices—and What Filipinos Can Do to Prepare

You might not hear bombs or sirens where you are—but that doesn’t mean we’re unaffected. When we hear news about war in the Middle East, it often feels like a distant problem—something happening far from our shores. But the more I’ve paid attention to what’s going on, the more I’ve realized how connected we all are. Whether it’s the price of fuel, the safety of our overseas workers, or the stability of our economy, the effects of conflict don’t stop at national borders.

“Even when the war isn’t ours, the impact can still land on our doorstep.”

The Ripple Effect of War

War doesn’t just bring suffering to those directly in the battlefield. It also shakes economies, breaks systems, and spreads fear that affects decisions in boardrooms and homes alike. In Middle Eastern countries like Iraq, Syria, and Yemen, war has destroyed schools, factories, and roads—making daily life almost impossible for ordinary people.

For countries like Egypt and Lebanon, the drop in tourism and business investment has meant slower growth and fewer jobs. And for oil-rich nations like Iran and Iraq, even the hint of conflict can drive up oil prices, since so much of the world relies on that supply—including us here in the Philippines.

How It Affects Us

Here at home, we’ve already seen how global issues can affect our wallets. Gas prices rise, groceries become more expensive, and transportation costs go up. That hits everyday Filipinos the hardest—especially those who are already trying to stretch every peso.

And let’s not forget the thousands of OFWs working in Middle Eastern countries. They are our family, friends, and neighbors. If war escalates, they could lose their jobs or even face danger. It’s a heavy burden for families left waiting and worrying.

What Can We Do?

As someone who tries to stay both hopeful and prepared, I’ve started thinking more seriously about how to respond—not with fear, but with awareness and action. Here are a few things that I believe can help:

·         ✅ Stay informed. Don’t let fake news or panic drive your choices. Follow reliable sources and keep an eye on global trends.

·         💰 Start or grow your savings. Even small amounts set aside regularly can make a big difference if things get tough.

·         📉 Simplify and prioritize. Now is a good time to reduce spending on non-essentials and focus on what really matters.

·         🛒 Support local products. This helps strengthen our local economy and can reduce dependence on global supply chains.

Should You Invest Right Now?

Many people are asking: Is it smart to invest in times like these? Honestly, it depends on your situation. If you already have an emergency fund and no urgent debts, this could actually be a good time to start investing. Stock prices may go down due to global instability, which can mean a chance to buy at lower prices—if you’re thinking long-term.

On the other hand, if you’re looking for more security, government bonds or time deposits might be a better choice. The returns may be lower, but so is the risk. As always, it’s best to talk to a financial advisor before making any major moves.

💡 What about cryptocurrency? It’s a hot topic, especially among younger investors. While crypto can offer high rewards, it also comes with high risks. Prices can swing wildly based on global news, regulations, and even social media. If you're new to investing, it’s wise to treat crypto as a small part of your portfolio—never invest money you can't afford to lose. Always do thorough research, and if possible, seek advice from someone experienced in the crypto markets.

 

Final Thoughts

No one wants war, and we all hope for peace in the Middle East and everywhere else. But in the meantime, it’s up to us to be smart, alert, and prepared. Whether it’s through saving, investing wisely, or simply being more mindful with our money, we can face uncertain times with a little more confidence.

Because even if we’re far from the battlefield, we’re not untouched by the consequences.

Hey, How are you?

 Hey, How are you?

"I'm good. I've been navigating what some might call a new season in life."

"A new season? What does that entail?"

"It's a shift in priorities, really. New connections have blossomed while old ones have faded. Some people I barely knew have become surprisingly close, and I've genuinely enjoyed their company. Conversely, some who were once central have just... drifted away. Not you, of course – we've been inseparable for as long as I can remember!"

"Oh, really? And what about those hobbies and games you used to be so into?"

"Hmm, those 'cash-extortionist' hobbies are long gone, thankfully! Travel still has my heart, though. My interests are much more future-focused now – investments, growth. And yes, I still jog and exercise, if that counts?"

"It absolutely counts! Especially now, at your age. Before, it might've been vanity, but now it's a necessity – just being honest! Speaking of which, what brings you back here, back to blogging?"

"Back here? What do you mean?"

"This blog. Your last post was in 2018, and your drafts are just sitting there, unposted."

"Ah, right. As I said, it's a new season. I want to dedicate more time to writing now. I actually revisited some old posts and was surprised by how decent a writer I was back then, haha. But this time, I want to do more."

"Well, you'd better! And this time, you should share some of the wisdom you've gathered over the past seven years."

"I will. And a really important part of this new season is getting closer to Him. I find myself talking to Him much more often now."

"Good. Life isn't getting any younger. The older you get, the more you need Him, especially as you draw closer to fulfilling your life's mission."

"Okay, nice talking to you."

"You too. And even though I'm just your mirror reflection, could you at least try to sound a little more excited talking to me, haha? I'm your younger, present self, so look at me with appreciation. In another minute, you won't be as young as me anymore. Just a thought!"

"Yeah, thanks, Self, for the reminder. Haha."

I am just yours . . .

In your paradise, i am your stream
crystal clear, just a mirror for your angel face

In your garden, you picked me, your lavender,
in a string, just a day's flowery lace

In your night, i am your silver moon
just a cookie in your vast milky way

I am your toy, just a let-go park balloon

The Puzzle

Show me a puzzle now, or show me never

For what's the waiting for, it’s now or never

A cup of tea walks in place, perhaps in air

A cat in boots, perhaps a mouse in wizard’s wear

show me wonders, or hush forever

 

If it’s not the writer, then it’s you the reader

who seeks the puzzle, keener and keener

but missed the clue, passing crystalline clear

For what you read, is not what you see and hear

I show you puzzles, pieces are everywhere

You must be it

you must be an angel, for you to guard over my slumber

slumber that dream of you as an angel, a winged one that got away

your wings are my trust, your wings are my faith

but you flew with them when slumber ends, reality sets in

you must be my future, i saw my dreams in your eyes

dreams that fall, as tears fall like rains from summer skies

so many mystery songs, a lot of lullabies,

but my dreams from your future are singing their goodbyes

you must be summer, but how could you bath me in the rain

when i dried in the sun, my blood falls dry too in pain

you must be foolish, you must be it to watch me and stay

for how much you took, i still stand, still and sane

tHE dREAMER

tHE dREAMER

he dreamt of perfection

from the garbage truth of reality

he dreamt of peace

from the chaotic thoughts around him

he dreamt of passion

from lust and betrayal of pretenders

but what fruits of blame should he ate

when hunger is for dreaming

i watched the dreamer, shields down, armor broken

eyes peered through oblivion, abyss-ed sunset

never seeing, never watching, which lies, what truth

eyes that mirrored the world i call mine

eyes i call mine

Bubble

My head is a cloud that anytime could pour down its rain

But my rain pours from my eyes, in joy, never in pain

My body is a bubble full of escaping smiles

But they escape silently in words of poems and styles

You turned me into something yet delicate to disappear

When you touch me i am nothing, I am nowhere

You turned me into a bubble of joys from you, i could fly

Now I am one who could smile then bid goodbye

07/29 12:30PM - can't feel relax on my way home to Toledo City

tHE sLEEPwALKER

tHE sLEEPwALKER

Trailing down a solid serpentine concrete,
he is picking up his strength from the sidewalk,
ending his day at a day's birth.
Could not tell now which is home and not;
which is black and night;
which is his dream and just a dream from
sleepwalking.

Just when

Just when . . .

. . . did Silence befriended travelling.
. . . did Solemnity sat beside my passenger seat
. . . did Loneliness knows how to drive silently
. . . did being alone tasted as sweet as the smell of cherries in my car
. . . did i feel isolated in a crowd of blank air
. . . did i learn to pick up my strength from the weakness of being wearily alone

Just when did I became numb as the sleeping road i ran over.
Just when . . .

Una notte a Palawan

Una notte a Palawan
Con la luna ed il mare
Ho incontrato un angelo

One night in Palawan
With the moon and the sea
I saw an angel that could no longer fly
(based on the Pink Martini Lyrics)

El Nido is indeed fragments of paradise. With all those serene shores, crystal waters, pearly sands, all you could wish is to make each moments longer, longer enough to make them last in your memories for decades.

After the tours in Palawan has ended, after the vacation came to its final day, when the day set to go back home arrived, i felt fear that all of these will be just memories when life's reality bites again. Work, responsibilities, stress, could once again creep and consume my focus. But life has to move on.

Happiness in Palawan are Angels that could no longer fly
Carry them with you, and you carry half the man you are
Leave them there, and you leave with smiles down memory lanes

Happiness in Palawan are lovers that just met and said their goodbyes
One is smiling when the other left, one suffers from afar
Leave one here, and you leave with love down memory lanes

But I no longer fear to leave my Angel here, as my journey is whereby
All that counts, and matters, by fate, will never leave me
Then at the end, you have never left my side.

Travel Pictures

Silhouette of Love (An All-Soul's day story)

It was the Night on November 1 2014, 7:30pm, when My Mother, after she prepared the altar for Novena prayer, asked me to get ready. Our lead for the Novena, a distant aunt, did not arrived so my Mother presumed that she would do the lead instead. Anyway, our dogs would bark at almost anyone so we will know if the lead would arrive for she might just be late.

It was only me and her that time. My brothers and sister was in the city and too busy with their jobs. So we started with my Mother prayed with 12 Our Fathers, 12 Hail Mary's, and some stuffs. That was just when I learned that those are the supposed prayers for the Novena when you don’t have the Novena prayer book. While listening to my Mother with her prayers, I just then noticed the preparation of the altar. There were pork adobo that she cooked this morning, suman and bibingka, a glass of soft drinks, a rolled tobacco leaf, and other food stuff. I know exactly that those are my Lola Agring's favorites. My Lola died just this year, on the first week of August. That was the first time I saw my mother cried after a long time. The last time she cried was when she had a fight with Papa. I know My Mother really got hurt when Lola passed away. That is why I promised to myself that I would love my mother more because I can see how it hurts to have someone you love most pass away. My mother once told me after the burial, "wala na imong lola dong, dili na mahikap, dili na magakos bisan unsaon, bisan kanus-a" (Your Lola is gone now, we can no longer hold her, or hug her, no matter what, no matter when). That was an eye-opener for me. Words that hurt me deep in my soul and opened my eyes how blessed and lucky I am to have my mother. After that I promised to spend time more with my Mother, and be more understanding for her, and be grateful to God for giving me a loving mother.

My attention got caught back to the Novena when mother held the candle with her hand, because the candle was melting and may burn the curtained altar. The candle is the only light we had in the room as some of other bulbs were transferred to our other house just adjacent to us. The candle gave a hint of highlight on the altar in a dimly lit room where we prayed. When the Novena ended, mama mentioned my Lola's name and that the altar was specially prepared for her, and that she was so sorry for not able to prepare some of Lola's favorite food. My mother said that if Lola (her soul) was there, the altar is ready for the food offering. I could hear my mother in tears as she said those words.

All of a sudden, a gasp of wind blew on us. It almost put off the candlelight that my mother held with her hand. We both looked behind us to check if the door or a window was left open. But there was none. We closed them before we started the Novena. Then all our dogs barked and howled at almost any direction. It lasted for about like a minute. My mother asked me if I noticed the gasp of wind, and it could be Lola was really there. I did not answer. All I did was just observed and listen for any sounds dogs howling and barking if it was really the Novena lead but there was no one from outside. But something I saw that I have not told my Mother till now, or anyone but just on this post. At the back of our altar, in an unlit corner of the room, I saw a silhouette of a woman standing, unmoving. I know what I saw and I know who I saw. I saw love and care and kindness from the aura of the silhouette I saw. But I glanced away. All I felt was overwhelmed and unbelieving of the situation.

Then my mother put off the candle that she held with her hand.

3 Stupid Stages of Life

They say life has several stages, but with these stages, it is just funny.

(Pictures picked from the web)

MBA-ish post

Its been almost 6 months since I plunged

into this so-called graduate studies.

I allowed myself to get engulfed by

its ambitious stupidity, if i may say, 

we call masters degree. 

Stupidity does not necessarily mean a 

negative conotation for me, however.

It is an unbiased description of having

a lack of judgement or we say disregarding

all fears just to test your limit.

I started this MBA studies in June in UP, and now

i realized I miss my weekends, and relaxed

nights of going to gym, or reading articles or

writing something just to buy time before going

to sleep.

Now I became, shall i say, filled with school works?

or assignments and studies, that I find it

hard to squeeze things. I feel tired.

But hey, before you feel all the negativity

of all the words written above. If you feel it though.

Don't be fooled. I enjoyed what i am doing it now.

I just need to recognize that this is what my body

is feeling now, but my brain and my desires,

my happiness is there with me. I enjoyed the business,

the targets, the deliverables, and specially the studies.

Oh how i miss the feeling of being a student.

So, here we go, see you, laterz...

Hey..wait.. just because I took MBA, and just like

everyone else... doesn't make me smarter though.

BUT.. it makes me more well-informed and more

equipped with life :D

Don't miss the idea . . .

 

 

 

 

The most important creation is not the software tool that is written, but the process that is "invented" or, in some other perspective, improved.

- pollenpen

The Confidant

The Confidant

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It was heavily raining that night, the streets paved with reflections of street lights, bouncing every neon through its watery floors, like silk that coated the streets to cover them from the raging rain. I was glad that it rains; it was too easy to cry in it. "I'll do my crying in the rain", a song I faintly recalled. I was soaked and wet, I knew how hard the wind blew, and vehicles that passed had splashed right at me, as thunders caught every passer’s attention, perfectly hiding the words I oddly uttered. the whole setting was like an orchestra, everything around me was in tune to the melancholic songs of pain I felt; or rather a painting, where in I mold the rain and thunders, the faint lights, the skies, and clouds, to vaguely display all of what I was going through.

There in the middle of nowhere, a familiar figure, secluded from everything around me, smilingly grins at me. He was not part of what was going through around me, for his silhouette was untouched by the boundaries of my consciousness. I felt a sudden rush of calmness. I believed that someone would now hear my songs of laughter and cries I vividly hid among the rainfalls. Though my thoughts build the warnings of his grin, what would my senses do? I am about to be crushed into the rushing flood of invisible pain and I have no other option but to cling to the thorned twig that offers relief and safety. I called him a confidant, my confidant. “I shall not hide even a single shadow from my confidant ", I swore, “for every shadow within me, their presence I do not seek". My confidant reveals everything before me and explores all darkness that devours the lights of my consciousness. I barely notice the orchestra playing with the rain; or was it still raining when I knew he was there?

He set the light for me that I believed I needed to exist, and I needed him for that light to exist, and I needed myself for him to exist. The light burned every pain, every anxiety, every space, every smile, every will, and everything... it… he burned even my flesh, that until now I doubt if my soul could still exist.

A Message In A Bottle (Found in Toledo City seashore, 2009)

Last October of 2009, on my usual trip to one of Toledo City seashores with my first car, just to watch the sunset and feel the sea breeze that cannot be felt in Cebu City, I stumbled upon a bottle. At a distance, it was just a normal bottle piled up among seaside trash. On a closer look, I saw a white crumpled paper inside it, partially harmed by a minute amount of seawater that found its way inside a rusted cap. I have reserved its content and it took me these years to finally decide to share this to you. Unedited and quite long, I will give this a title as . . .

Stupid Me
------------------------------------------------------------------
i donnu if we hav shared d same fate but im sure it reali hurts.
reali reali hurts na as if you wanna rip your heart out kasi alam
mo na dun galing ang sakit. u wanna get out of what u r into pero
u dunno how, paano nagsimula ang lahat. this pain seems to be so
unfamiliar. i reali know na napakagago ko, gagong gago, pero i cant
keep myself from being fooled. alam kong me mas mahigit pa sa kanya,
me mas makakita sa mga efforts ko, sa mga pagmamahal ko, sa mga
ginagawa ko para sa relationship pero why cant i luv those
people instead, parang sia na ang pinakahigit para sa akin,
why sia pa yung mahirap at masakit pakawalan, na
para bang alam mo na ginagago ka lang niya, andami tinatago sa yo,
kahit uubosin mo pang trust mo sa kanya, pagtitiwalaan mo siya, wala
pa rin, ginagago ka pa rin. u know 1 time, he txt me na me conflict daw
siya sa ate niya, worrying worry ako, u know pagmahal mo ung isang tao,
concern ka talaga, (shit talaga tong feelings na to), dun trust ako,
pero i saw somthng na napakasakit, sia at ung kasama niya andun sa
isang place, ti-nxt ko siya just to test f honest ba talaga, and he
said na dun lang sia sa bahay niya though kitang-kita ko na me kasama
siya at nasa mall pa sila, i dunno wat ul do f u wer just in me place pero wala lang akong
ginawa, destroyd nya ung trust ko, napakasakit, bat ba ang gago ko.
pumunta nga ako sa friend ko para sabihin un, sabi niya un daw napala
ko dahil dinedma ko daw ung kaibigan nya na sana napakabait nun. tama siya,
napakabait nga nung taong yun pero i dnt know why i turned out lyk this.
i gav her a chance pa, (im shit talaga), alam ko niloloko nga ako pero
heto pa rin. tiis nang tiis. at ung cel niya andaming secrts, lam mo ba na
inspite sa lahat na ni-show ko na wala na talagang iba, sia lang talaga, makuha pa niyang
magkkip nang contact sa mga pasts niya. pero ung lahat ng friends ko,
communication ko sa kanila pinagbabawal niya. im living an unfair world pero
eto tiis na tiis pa rin para walang misundrstanding.. i giv up a lot
of thngs for us, mga barkada ko, ung hobby ko. pinaglalaruan lang niya ako.
somtimes i feel na mahal niya
ako pero mas feel ko ung panloloko niya. minsan nga, i won from a certain modeling contest,
important day ko yun, we made a plan to kind of celebrate. i was so
hapi pero dumaan kami sa kaibigan niya, they were drinking, and enjoy siya
dun at 4got niya ung plan namin at ok lang sa kanya na uuwi nalang muna ako.
pinauuwi nalang nya ako, alam mo yun.
i know na me plan siyang iba. mas importante pa sa kanya un kesa 'kin.
dun ko nalaman wer i stand sa kanya. napakasakit nun, until now feel na feel
ko pa ung hurt sa araw na un, kung hindi lang talaga
kami kasama in one place i should have 4get na. pero i tried that day na
maki-pagsplit. parang na-regain ko concoiusness ko, almost na kami nagsplit.
pero alam mo concern pa rin ako sa kanya. enrolment kasi nya yun and worried
ako if napano na yung processing nya. di ba im shit, im gaaaaagooooo.
im an assshole. pero in love lang talaga ako. i just follwed my heart.
pinamukha pa nga niya na kasalanan ko lahat, hindi nya napansin na parang
napuno na ako sa panloloko niya. and u know wat, tawagin mo nalang
akong stupid, kahit ako, ilang beses kong nasabi un, stupid talaga ko,
kasi col ko sia, parang a big turn sana un. how i wish na ma-realized ko na
anong gingawa ko, na pinayagan ko siyang paglaruan lang ako. 'Pare wala na ba talagang
ibang babae sa mundo?', sabi ko sa sarili ko.
dun hapinghapi naman ako, kahit fresh pa ung sugat ko nun, n as usual
sa usapan namin ako naman ung me mali. patuloy pa nun mga secrets niya.
mga bagay na ginagawa nya na alam mo me tinatago siya. hindi talaga
open sayo. minsan nga sabi nya na burial daw sa lolo niya, that was friday
night na umalis siya. at sunday na siya umuwi sa bahay, sunday night. why?
as what ive known me dumating na kaibigan niya from manila, dun at inimbita siya.
kahit man lang na naglagay siya nang msg na kung saan siya para naman
hindi ako ma worry pero as f i dun exist, balewala lang ako. darating lang
siya sa oras na me kelangan at kelangan niya ako. he didnt respect me nfront
sa friends niya, na as f wala siang paki sa akin. Please let me get out of this,
in a very slow less painful way. Please if eto palaging nasaktan ako, enuf
na sana to. i cud look for more serious person para sa akin, ung alam mo na
me trust sia sayo kesa alam mo nang lahat sa kanya n me trust dn sia sayo
kasi alam niya lahat sa kin. u know, kahit cel ko i left it with sa kanya
para magkaroon lang sia ng trust sa akin, pero ung cel nya kahit man lang
1 tym hindi nya pinadala sakin because i know na me tinatago siya. i know
ginagago lang nya ako. masakit un, i hope u know wat i mean. i hav ds unfair
relationship, untrusting and foolish pero eto pa rin ako. binalewala ang lahat
hoping na magbago siya, namag-change sya, eto lang ang request ko sa kanya.
i tried so hard to hold back for myself para lang sa kanya pero i dunno if
nakuha ba nya ung message ko, nung tratohin naman nya akong best friend, kahit
man lang hindi nya makayang partner ang turing niya. ung sabi ko na ginawa nyang
hindi ako inuwian for a certain weekend, twice niyang ginawa un an iknow gagawin
niya un again n again n again. did i mention na sinisigawan niya ako sa malls, public places,
tatawaging gago sa public, minumura, God, please help me. I can no longer bear these.
You know how much i feel para sa kanya n do i hav to suffer much para sa feelings
na to? Me nagawa ba akong mali sa kanya para gawin niya ang mga to. lahat na bagay
na gagawin ko, parang hindi nya nanotice na hindi lang para sa aking un, but para
sa aming dalawa. kelan kaya nya ma-realize kung gaano sia kahalaga sa kin. Pero
u know, tama ka, hindi nga totoo na "if u really care for somebody you'll
take watever heartaches u'll receive" kasi i believe na mapupuno dn ako.
kasi time will come na ma-realize na kelangan dn nang sarili ko ang self-esteem,
kelangan dn akong maging mabuti sa sarili ko, kasi i just let things hurt me
a lot, na saktan nya, lokohin nya, ginagago nya, minumura niya. lam mo, alam kong
nasaktan ko dn sia pero i hop marealize nya na ibinalik ko lang sometimes ung ginawa
nya s akin para naman ma feel nya un ang sakit na na feel ko. pero im just hurting
my self pag sinaktan ko siya. I know darating dn ang panahon na mapupuno dn ako,
maging manhid dn ako, at itong gagong to, tong feelings na to, mawawala rn,
ung masasabi ko na i already had enough, na para bang, "i was already fed up
by your foolishness towards me and i hop na realized mo na yun" na masabi ko yun.
at i know, na although masakit yun, kasi me pinagsamahan na kami, at mahal ko talaga sia,
Shit I love her!, unti-unti rn mawala siya sa akin. cguro pag pupunta cguro ako sa ibang bansa, ung
malayo sa lugar namin na madalas naming puntahan, ung lahat nang memories namin
i can soon 4get, mga sakit na ginawa nya, mga panloloko, mga pagtitiis ko, kasama
na yung plans namin, mga masasaya dn un pag walang away, ung in a short time i 4get
na fooled ako sa babaeng mahal ko. kasama dn ung efforts ko na ma maintain ang relationship na to.
i know malapit na un, as of now nasa process cguro ako na pag-realize na ung
changes na inexpect ko wont reali happen, wont reali come, cguro im just one of those
people na niloko niya, at ako ang pinakagago, im the most foolish kasi
i tried to be brave para sa relationship namin. lagi nya ung sinasabi sa akin
na ayaw na nya daw na magstart nang bagong relationship sa iba pero at first
i believe nun, pero now parang doubtful na ako, hindi sia nagcare sa relationship
namin, slowly sinisira niya ung trust ko, luv ko, lahat lahat sa mga
kasinungalingan niya, mga lies niya. pero ok lang, at least alam ko
na nakayanan ko ang ganitong sakit na ginawa niya, because to let go is to start
and move on. pero sana hindi pa huli ang lahat
para sa amin. pero im hapi na nakilala ko sia at na sana magbago siya,
sana hindi na nya ako lolokohin, gagagohin,
sana nga... pero sana lang un, i dont believe na magagawa nya un, i know where i stand
sa kanya... pero sana nga ...kung sino ka man makabasa nito, salamat sa pagkeep,
para mo na rin akong may listener sa lahat na hinanakit ko sa lovelife ko.