Monday, February 13, 2012

What would it feel like to live forever? (Unedited)

I wonder what it would feel if you live forever. It would probably be an ageless one, with limitless chances, countless birthdays, parties, friends, and celebrations. You can study forever, and transfer to different companies, and hmmm work forever?

For some part of my life, there were chances that I stayed in a hotel for a month, three months, and even up to six months. These hotels mostly have free breakfast buffets or meals, though some did not include those privileges. For those that do have free meals, it would make me excited everyday, looking forward for the meals served for the day. On these meals, I would also meet other hotel guests. On my first days on those meals, everyone was new to me. But after one or two weeks, I would be able remember and familiarized their faces that were there on my first days and then also I would realized some were gone already, and some are new guests that have just arrived after me. As I stayed longer, I would be able to befriend other long-staying guests. For some that does not stayed so long, they would just be acquaintances, some familiar faces you will know. These are the usual situations until me or some of my befriended guests have to leave the hotel. If I leave the hotel first, I would feel sad and beginning to miss these new-found as the day for checkout gets nearer, and especially on the day when I have to say goodbye. The bad thing is when I have to leave on weekdays or early morning where my friends are either at work or still sleeping. The worst thing is when I forgot to tell them yesterday evening or the day before when you meet at the hallway or dine together the other week that today is my day of checkout, and so it would mean no goodbyes are being said.

The situation would be different if I stayed in a hotel longer like three to six months. I would meet some friends, spend time with them, explore the city on weekends, and chat with them as if we know each that long. The loneliness of having no one to talk to probably made us, long-staying guests, long for each other comfort and accompaniment. But when each of these friends would have to leave, it gets sad, because we know that we won’t be seeing each other again. Some I have spent with the previous nights for farewell parties, some just disappeared on the next day without saying goodbyes, some had already left several days before I noticed that I you did not see them in the breakfast buffet or on weekends anymore. It gets sadder, and the feeling of having missed them gets piled up as I saw them one by one left, and some not having said any goodbyes. The memories they had left will haunt me when I am left alone, especially when I would have another of those meals where I became used of enjoying with them. In those times I would also hope I could also leave the hotel soon. But I have to stay there for another month or so. And then I see again some new guests, befriended them, and then watched them or not be able to notice them left. Yet the sadness and missing and memory travels would have the same cycle all over again. Until it is time for me to checkout, and leave the hotel, and say my goodbyes to the friends that I would be leaving behind.

The goodbyes of leaving are always sad. But it only lasts for a short while. The excitement of having to move on and to meet new challenges, looking forward for new chapter, and the thought of going home is far overwhelming.

The feeling of being left behind, and witness my loved ones and friends bid me their goodbyes would leave me broken and sad. It would not be the passing, but it would be both the happy and sad memories that they have left behind, haunting in me.

Living in this world is like living in a hotel. Some stayed in a classy suit, and some are sharing in small and cheap rooms. Some stayed quite for a while, and some stayed that far too long. But this world is not our home, it is so temporary, and we know it. The only difference between a hotel and this world is that we both have the same home, and someday we will have to checkout and go home, and see each other in our final home with our Creator. To live forever in this world is to be left behind forever, and forever longing and seeking for the time go home. How sad would it be to be waved goodbye as we witness the one we loved left us, or worst not knowing that they had forever left us forever.

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